so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
