Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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