I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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