the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
