I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
