we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
