i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
