Can i not drive my cunt home
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
