Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
