wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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