Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
