yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How many fucks given?
0.12846
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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