He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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