someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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