I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize