girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
