Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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