im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
