guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize