I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
