my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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