My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
