i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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