i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
