So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
