I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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