So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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