just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
