rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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