Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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