Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
