if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
