true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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