My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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