I smell stomach acid.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
smell my finger.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
