and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
