I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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