Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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