i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
