he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
