he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
