We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
