i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
