My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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