I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
