I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
