3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
vagina is talking i cant
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
