By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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