I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
