We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
