it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
