I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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