24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
