When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
