Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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