I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
