you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
