these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have demons in me.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
