I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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