Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
