I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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