I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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