I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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