i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize